Chapter 25: In the Rain

            I jerked away rather awkwardly and walked off toward the living room. Klaus stayed in the kitchen. As I lay on the couch, my eyes closed, I heard him rustling around. It wasn’t until a few minutes later that I realized what he was doing- he was cleaning up everything I had knocked onto the floor. Papers shuffled and the iron fruit bowl made a slight clink noise as he set it back on the counter. I rolled over onto my side and faced the back of the couch. Even though my eyes were shut they felt heavy with exhaustion. I let myself drift off to sleep with slight noise coming from the kitchen. The noise comforted me for some reason and yet it also left me with a bit of unease. I knew Klaus would always be there for me, which was comforting. But would I always be there for him? I didn’t want to leave him to clean up my mess time and time again.

            I tossed and turned as nightmares hid in all the shadows of my mind. Suddenly, I jolted upright, my sweaty gooseflesh stuck to the leather. I looked around and saw Klaus slumped over in the chair, his breathing quiet and soft. I noticed he had covered me with a blanket before dozing off himself. My feet shifted to the floor, the wood cold against the bottom. I stood and moved the blanket to cover Klaus before I left the room. My gaze shifted to the big bay window, the moonlight glittering off the rain that was steadily pouring out of the sky. I walked out onto the porch, letting my hand reach out and the droplets spilled onto my palm and between my fingers. Slowly, I took a step forward and out onto the steps. I instantly felt the rain soak me to the bone- how I had missed the sweet romance of the rain.

            Before I knew it, I was running across the sopping-wet lawn in my bare feet, my toes making impressions in the mud and a smile spread across my lips. I hadn’t felt like this in so long that my muscles ached with every step, but I couldn’t stop running. The rain hit my face with such force that I just assumed is had been absorbed into my skin. Sodden clothes clung to my body and I knew my hair was plastered against my head. When I had finally stopped, by body throbbing in pain, I looked around and had no clue where I was. The rain created a curtain that was impossible to push through. I found a bench and sat down to listen. I listened to the sound of the night-the rain pounding against the pavement, the bench, the sound of crickets chirping so lightly that if you hadn’t been listening you would have easily overlooked it. 

            I remembered what it had felt like when I first fell in love with the rain. It was a day when the sun shone brightly but the sky opened up to unleash a torrential downpour. We were walking together, Cain and I, my hand wrapped gently in his. He turned to me, his eyes reflecting the smile he had across his entire face.

            “Are you ready to make your dream come true?” He asked me.

            I smiled because I knew exactly what he was asking. I only nodded and he leaned in, pressing his tender lips against mine- our first kiss and it had been the most romantic and innocent thing in the world.

            That thought, of course, led me to think about when we had stayed after school to work out together. I had run outside with him chasing after me. When he finally caught me, he pulled me into him, our sweatshirts soaking wet and our hoods dripping water into our eyes. He pressed me against the side of the building, the valley of the roof creating a waterfall right down over us. I smiled as he kissed me deeply and then practically tore both of our hoods off, letting the rain come over and around and between us- the freshness of it enveloped us, the chill of the water hitting out skin.

            I knew tears were falling, but nobody was around to see them. My heart ached and I cried out in the deafening silence of the night. I screamed so much that my throat felt raw and the tears just kept coming. My whole life was unraveling. No, it wasn’t. Because it was never coiled in the first place- only slightly bound together with hopes and dreams that would never come true

Chapter 24: Kaleidoscope

            I leaned over and kissed his cheek. After I pulled back I smiled and used my thumb to brush a few strands of hair away from his eyes. A single tear rolled down my cheek and I wiped it away, “I’m sorry, but I have to go. My family is probably very worried about me.”

            There was a small twinkle of emotion in his eye but it was gone before I could place it, “Especially Klaus.”

            I nodded, not wanting to meet his gaze, “Yes, especially Klaus.”

            Cain moved his hand slightly so it rested against my knee, “Have a great life, Claire. You have so much ahead of you.”

            I smiled and another tear came, “Thank you. I’m sure you will have an amazing life with her. She’s beautiful.”

            “Yes, she is. But she is nothing like you.” There was a pause between us for what seemed like ages, “You should go. Like you said, your family is probably worried about you.”

            I stood and walked away, stopping in the doorway only to say, “Goodbye, Cain.” Then, I turned and left. I could feel the tears building behind the wall I had put up to protect myself all those years ago. I had finally chosen. Why didn’t I feel relieved? I climbed into my car, which had apparently been driven here by Tammy or Rhoslyn because there was a note stuck to the steering wheel. I tossed it into the passenger’s seat, too tired to even read it. The whole ride home I was slammed with thoughts. Looking into the past was like using a kaleidoscope; the images colored beautifully, the edges blurred and surreal. Was that really what my life used to be like? Or was it just a dream? The reds and blues and purples of life shifted across the canvas like memories through my mind.

            I pulled into the driveway and my whole family seemed to pour out of the house to the dooryard. I barely had time to get the door open before I felt my mother’s firm grasp on my arm as she yanked me from my seat into her embrace. She shook as rough gasps escaped her, I could hear her sobbing against my neck. My father and brothers stood a few feet away, watching everyone else gather around me, speaking to me in what seemed like foreign tongues. Their voices grew louder and louder in my ears, the humming suddenly becoming a terrible noise that washed over my entire body, “STOP!” I screamed and everything fell silent. I pushed my way through the crowd into the house and slammed the door behind me- hoping no one would be stupid enough to follow. I knew my mother was apologizing for me outside and I didn’t care. Everything seemed like a fairytale where happy endings never existed and the ones we are told as children are only lies to make us think that good things eventually happen to those who deserve them.

But you know what? That’s just what it is. A fairytale. There are no happy endings. You know why? Because people die, that’s why. That’s what Cain had promised me- a fairytale. “Forever and ever and ever after that.” What complete fucking bullshit that was. And yet I let him spoon-feed me all these things that I thought were true, all the things I had so desperately wanted to believe. I told him he was my prince; he said I was his princess. I couldn’t believe I had been so stupid. I turned and knocked everything off the counter in one swipe of my arm. I screamed and tears poured down my face, my whole body shaking as I seemed to go on some sort of psychotic rampage.

“Claire?”

I whipped around and was face-to-face with Klaus. His eyes were wide with concern and surprise “Oh. Hi.”

I just stood there, not really sure what to say to justify my actions because I knew nothing would. He stepped closer to me, “Are you alright? Tammy and Rhoslyn said you spent last night at the hospital.”

I knew he wasn’t saying as much as he had been told, “Yeah. I was there.”

I could feel it swelling up inside me- the anger and resentment and hurt that I had pushed down inside for years. Klaus and I had never fought before, but I could see it coming a mile away. The tension around us was building and it was only a matter of time before the pressure could no longer be contained, “Why were you with Cain last night?”

“For your information, I wasn’t with him I was with Tammy and Rhoslyn! He just happened to be there, it wasn’t like I planned it or anything. Why do you even care?” I snapped at him.

“What the hell does that even mean ‘why do I care? Of course I care, damnit! You almost got hit by a fucking CAR because of him!” He yelled back at me.

“No! He’s the one who kept me from being hit by that car! Why are you so angry with me? I’m here. I’m alive. And I’m faithful to you.”

“You don’t even see it, Claire! God, the point is that you were there! You should have been here with me!” Klaus had started pacing, his voice growing louder with every step.

“But I’m here now,” I whimpered, giving in and finally realizing that what I felt inside was sadness- not anger. I seemed to just melt against his chest as my arms wrapped around his waist. Tears streamed down my face and his arms pulled me even closer, his chin resting on the top of my head.

He sighed, “I’m sorry. I just don’t know what I would do without you. And thinking that he would have been the last person to see you and be with you made me very angry.”

“I know. I’m sorry, too,” My voice was calm but weak. Inside feelings bounced around and jostled about. My heart said one thing and my brain another- would they ever agree? It seemed as though this same war had been going on for far too long. I was tired. Tired of fighting myself. Tired of being unsure. Tired of being sad. Just tired. And no amount of sleep seemed to suppress the overwhelming feeling of tiredness that had hung in my chest for the past four years.

Chapter 23: Hearts of Glass

            I stumbled back into the road as the car quickly turned around and sped away- what a fucking douche. I did my best to try to make out the license plate through the tears that were streaming down my face. All I could hear was my voice screaming out for help in the dark of the night. I lifted his shirt, looking for a place to apply pressure, but all I managed to do was get myself covered in blood. It was all over me, it was all I could see, it was in my nose and my mouth and all I could think about was loss. How much I had lost over the course of my short life. It had all begun when I thought I lost Cain and his love, when I lost my hair and my identity along with it, and, now, I was losing Cain all over again. I felt his life slipping away as I held him against me, my shirt soaked with his blood.

            I heard the sirens and felt hands grabbing at my shoulders and arms- they were taking me away. I kicked and screamed for them to let me go. I was yelling out Cain’s name in a hysterical fit, “No! Don’t let them do this! Cain, just wake up, please, just wake up!” I pleaded.

            They rolled him over onto a stretcher and I watched them carry him away to an ambulance. I stood there in silence, sobbing and shaking. Maybe it was the fact that I was piss drunk, but I just couldn’t control all the suppressed feelings I had been hiding in the shadows of my mind. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing him forever- knowing that he was gone… permanently. My mind raced; all I could think about was us. What might have become of us had we stayed together? Would we be married? Have kids? No. Maybe not. We might have ended up in this very position, but we’ll never know. Because this is the path that was laid before us and the only one we are meant to take.

            It was then that I realized I had four sets of eyes staring back at me expectantly: Tammy, Rhoslyn, and two police officers. Tammy cast a nervous glance toward Rhoslyn and one of the officer’s voices was muffled in my ears, “She’s still in shock. We’ll have to question her after she gets checked out at the hospital.”

            The world around me felt surreal, lines and colors blurring and merging together like some sort of twisted and dark fairytale. Nothing felt real. Everything was filled with an overwhelming numbness. Sounds were muffled. And I sat there in a daze, things moving and bumping around me. I knew our intended destination, but looking out the window only brought on more confusion as scene after scene flashed by like a spinning carnival ride. We finally arrived at the hospital and they led me inside- from there it’s just one brick wall. All I saw was black.

            I woke up the next morning in a hospital bed. I guess they let me stay the night- that was my only plausible answer. Somehow, I made it back to the front desk without getting lost. I stepped up to the counter, “Excuse me, do you know where I could find Cain Thompson?”

            The nurse looked at me skeptically but replied, “He’s in room 264 in the East wing.”

            I nodded, knowing well what was in the East wing from my extended stay here, “Thank you very much.”

            The East wing was where the ICU recovery rooms were. I didn’t know how I would take what I was about to see. I felt responsible and I really was. He had chased me out into the street. He didn’t have to save me, but he did. One thing was for sure, one life was not worth another. Finally, I got to the door and opened it as quietly as I could, peeking inside to make sure I wasn’t disturbing anything and easing myself into the situation I had been dreading. I looked around the room and he was lying in the bed, alone. It was obvious that people had been here, but Cain had never been one for flowers. I walked over to the bed, letting my hand touch the generic hospital sheets and standing there taking in the sight of what I had done to him.

            He shifted, “Hey there.”

            I smiled, “Hey yourself.”

            “My girl is in the next room,” Cain motioned toward the glass wall that separated us from the next room. A long silence came between us as I stared at her, her back turned to me as she sat in a chair sipping coffee and looking distraught. She was beautiful- her hair flowing down over her shoulders, “Can I tell you something?”

            I nodded, tears in my eyes, “Of course you can.”

            “I really wish that she was you. All the time. Not once in a while, all the time. When I look into her eyes I see you and I wish she was you. But I know that it isn’t going to happen because Klaus gave you a ring and he is perfect. I saw how you looked at him that night. You deserve a guy like him-”

            “Please stop,” I interrupted.

            “Let me finish,” He said sternly. “I made a bad mistake thinking you would be there when I wanted to come back. I knew I would eventually, but it was stupid of me to believe that a great girl like you wouldn’t find a guy better for you than me. I don’t expect you to leave Klaus for me. In fact, I encourage you to go ahead with your wedding plans. You know why? Because I love you. And you’re happier now than I ever could have made you. So please, just let me kiss your forehead and then you can go back to him.”

            I stood there in silence. My mind spinning around and around and different parts of me were tearing into each other like a civil war had begun inside me. It really had. I knew I should turn around and leave, not even give him the consideration of a final kiss goodbye. But what good had it done for me to be filled with bitterness and hatred and spite? Nothing. It hadn’t even driven him away from me- not in mind, body, or soul. The only distance between us had been because I had run. Run from him. From myself. From us. I thought that if I didn’t have to see his face then his memory would eventually fade. Maybe it would have if he had been someone else. If he had meant something different to me. But he wasn’t someone else and he didn’t mean anything different. He meant something to me that I had been denying to myself for years because I thought the void could be filled with perfection and swooning and adventure and it would eventually become a love sprung from dim embers and turn into an uncontrollable wildfire. The truth was that I doubted it would ever happen. Because the cinders that were meant to be prodded back to livelihood were not for Klaus and I had known that all along.

Chapter 22: Accidents Happen, Right?

            I danced to my heart’s content, letting my hips sway and my cares melt away. It felt like I was seventeen again- like I was invincible and nothing was going to stop me. My whole life was ahead of me and I was running toward it with no intent of slowing down. Everything around me blurred into a fantastical mixture of black against neon- reality slipping further and further away from me the faster I danced and the more I drank. I have to admit, I had no idea what was going on around me or even inside me, but I was completely fine with that.

            Tammy grabbed my hand and dragged me toward the bar to get more drinks- something I knew I didn’t need more of, but I really couldn’t resist. The bartender handed each of us a set of three shots and we raced to see who could down them the fastest- I won. I turned around and even though his back was turned, I immediately recognized him. I slammed the shot glass back down onto the bar and he turned around, startled by the noise less than two feet behind him. We made eye contact for a long time- too long. He then released his grip on the girl grinding all over his business and walked the few steps over to me.

            He ruffled the back of his hair with his hand in anxiousness, “Hey, Claire. Long time no see, huh?”

            He looked the same, just as handsome and eyes just as blue, “Yeah, it’s been a while. How has life been treating you, Cain?”

            I tried to act casual, although drunk me was slightly slurring her words, “Oh, you know, the usual. Last year in college and all. I heard you moved to England with Klaus, how is that going?”

            I stuck out my hand and the ring shimmered in the light that danced around us in between the shadowed bodies, “I’d say it’s going pretty well.”

            I could feel the venom dripping from my lips. I felt our past rising up between us- the passion, the lust, the loss… My chest tightened and I refused to be weak. I knew that I was throwing my life in his face, hoping that is stung, because I was jealous. Jealous that he was young and free. Jealous that the little blond thing he had on his arm a moment before didn’t seem serious. And jealous that she wasn’t me.

            I suppressed the feeling, pushing it so deep inside that I could sense it in my stomach. He smiled and looked at the ground, “Well, um, that’s a nice ring. Congats, by the way. I, uh, haven’t really gotten to that stage yet… Well, with anyone but you. Can’t seem to find the right girl, you know?” There was a moment of silence between us and I knew that both of our minds were reeling. I looked into his eyes and saw everything- just like I always had. He remembered us and everything that had happened all those years ago.

There was hardly more to say, but, somehow, I managed to open my big mouth, “Do you ever think about it?”

I knew the question was vague and it probably didn’t make sense. His eyes softened even more, “Yeah, I do. All the time.”

I couldn’t take it. I bolted out the door and started running across the parking lot and I heard him running behind me, calling my name, but I couldn’t stop. I wouldn’t stop. My breath came in rasps as I struggled for air, but even that didn’t stop me. Before I knew what I was doing, I had run out into the street and was caught in the headlights of an oncoming car. I stood there for a moment, just staring ahead into the light, frozen in fear. Something hard hit me in the side and shoved me out of the way, throwing my body the rest of the way across the road into the dirt. I heard brakes squealing and then the sound of bone against metal. My body cringed inward- afraid of what I would see when I looked up. There, in the middle of the street, was Cain’s body lying in a pool of scarlet blood.

Chapter 21: Home

            The next week was spent in chaos- packing suitcases and making lists and all the while the wedding planning had officially commenced. So, here we are, about to board the plane, standing at the terminal as the flight attendants check our passports one last time. I looked at Klaus, a smile spread wide across his face. He turned and looked back at me, his hand then came to mine and he twirled the tiny band around my finger in delight. I could see the happiness dancing in his eyes and it made me smile. We walked aboard and took our seats. Before long, my head rested tiredly on his shoulder. Klaus pulled a blanket over me and began to hum softly, rubbing his thumb against the inside of my knee. He knew I could not resist the urge to sleep when he did this- and I was grateful.

            I woke up when we were getting ready to land. My tired gaze drifted up toward Klaus, his shoulders slightly slumped as he slept with his head against the back of the seat. I shook him slightly and he pressed his lips together as he always did when he awoke. He ran his hands over his face a few times before stretching, “Time to land, eh?”

            I nodded and started to fold up the blanket. We were off the plane and at baggage claim no more than half an hour later- which seemed rather quick. We stepped outside and looked around for my brother, who was supposed to be picking us up. It was then that I saw the beat up little Ford pickup I had driven all those years ago- and now it was his. He pulled up to the curb and helped us load our suitcases into the bed of the truck before we all climbed back in and buckled up. The ride was a tad snug, to say the least.

            When we got home an intense wave crashed over us, people rushed forward to greet and hug and love us because it had felt like forever since we had touched our loved ones. It was as if they were not satisfied that we were alive with phone calls and video chats and postcards while we were out adventuring. They wanted something tangible to hold, and I suppose I couldn’t blame them for that.

All of my siblings had gotten so tall- Tameron was in the middle of his senior year, Eliza had started high school and had a boyfriend (something we would discuss later), and Tiana had been doing some intense gymnastics training in order to try out for the junior Olympics, but it seemed to be young Gyan who had missed me the most. He had been my baby. I was twelve when my mother got pregnant again and I swore that I would not love him, but he was probably the child I loved the most. Of course I would never choose favorites, but I had never held the others the way I had held him. Never had I acted as their mother. But Gyan was different. He treated me like a second mother and I treated him as an only child. The bond we shared was special and could not be compromised or broken, not distance or even time would cause this relationship to fade. He was the one man who would never give up on me. The one man whose eyes would always sparkle when we saw each other again.

Klaus quieted the room and announced, “Claire and I have decided to get married.”

My mother squealed and it looked like my father was about to low a gasket. My sisters giggled and Gyan just stood there and smiled, somewhat unaware of what had been going on. The rest of the day was spent unpacking and getting settled. Family came in and out of the house like a revolving door. They wanted to see the ring and catch up and pretty much just embarrass the crap out of me. It was a long day to say the least and as soon as my head hit the pillow I was out cold.

I woke up the next morning in a daze- between the jet lag and the stress from planning the wedding I could barely keep my head on straight. We wanted to get the wedding done as soon as we possibly could, hopefully within a month or so. I decided that it was time for a night out on the town, so I called up my usual group of old friends and told them to meet me at Obscurum around seven o’clock- they all happily agreed and we decided to do a mall run and then dinner before the club. I looked at the clock, still laying in bed, and noticed it was nearly noon, so we decided to get together at the mall around two o’clock. After I had hung up I glanced around- Klaus was nowhere to be seen. I rolled over and let my hand rest on his side of the bed, it was cold- he hadn’t been here for a while. I let my mind drift off and think of the future, of what was to come, and especially what would happen tonight.

Finally, I let my feet swing off the edge of the bed and touch the floor. I stumbled my way to the bathroom with a fresh change of clothes and the intent of getting into the shower. The water was a bit on the cold side, but it was nice nonetheless. I dried off and pulled on a pair of cute skinny jeans with a shimmery blue halter top. After I had done my makeup and picked out the right pair of sandals (cream color gladiators) I moseyed into the house from the apartment to hopefully find Klaus and inform him of my plans. I smelled lunch cooking in the oven, but I wasn’t hungry.

“Mom, do you know where Klaus is? I woke up and he was gone,” I questioned. If anyone in this house knew anything, it was her.

She turned to me with her back resting against the bar on the stove, “Oh, yes, he’s in the living room with the kids watching TV. Just go on in and I’m sure he’s in there.”

I poked my head into the living room and motioned for him to get up off the couch and talk to me for a moment, “Hey, I’m going out, alright?”

He looked a little puzzled, “Oh? Out where?”

I shrugged, “Just a night out shopping and stuff with Tammy and Rhoslyn- catching up and hanging around like we used to. I might end up spending the night with one of them just because I’ll be out wicked late.”

Klaus smiled and pulled me into his chest, “Have fun, Love. Just let me know if you are coming home or not- I don’t want to worry about you all through the night.”

I reached up and gave him a quick kiss, “Don’t worry, I’ll be fine. I’ll let you know.”

He released me and I grabbed my jacket on the way out- I was going to be late, being my typical self and knowing the girls expected nothing more and nothing less than who I was. It would be amazing to reunite with my two best friends. We had kept in constant contact since graduation, but they had no idea that Klaus and I had recently gotten engaged. I was saving that surprise for when I came home to visit. I put the key into the ignition and sped out of the driveway, so glad to be back in my truck. I had never realized how much I despised public transportation until I felt the pedal resist slightly under my foot.

Before long, I was pulling into the mall parking lot and looking for a spot as close to the front entrance as possible- I didn’t want to have to run around the parking lot looking for my truck later. I rushed inside, knowing that they were waiting near the door because of the three missed calls and ten texts I had ignored because I was driving. Yes, they were insane.

I jogged to the door and there stood Tammy and Rhoslyn. They practically tackled me to the ground as soon as I stepped through the automatic doors- totally ignoring all the dirty looks they got from other people trying to enter the mall.

After they had settled down a bit and we moved out of the way of traffic Tammy started asking questions, “So, what’s new? How have you been? How is England? God, I bet it’s beautiful.”

Rhoslyn and I laughed, “Well, I have something important to tell you guys.” I held out my hand and they stood there with their mouths open gaping at the ring.

Rhoslyn was the first to snap back to life, “OH. MY. DAMN. You got a fucking RING? Your dream guy got you a ring? Jesus, Claire, why didn’t you call us right after it happened?!”

I couldn’t suppress the giant smile on my face. They were right. Klaus was my dream guy. I couldn’t help but remember what it had felt like to remove the promise ring Cain had gotten me all those years ago and replace it with Klaus’. It felt like another piece of me had fallen away. No, I didn’t miss him. I pushed the thought far away from my mind and decided to focus on our girl’s day. I knew it was going to be amazing.

We spent the next few hours hitting up every store in the mall, buying butt loads of clothes and moisturizers and god only knows what else. One thing was for sure, we were stimulating the economy like nobody’s business. I looked at the time on my cell phone and realized it was getting late and if we wanted to make it to a restaurant before the dinner rush we would have to leave shortly.

“Guys, let’s go. If we don’t get to Amore’s soon we won’t get in for hours,” Amore’s was a great little Italian place half way between the mall and Obscurum and our absolute favorite place to go for a good meal. We made sure we had all our bags, climbed into our cars, and enjoyed a quick dinner before speeding off to the club. None of us had been there since high school and we knew that we were in for some major nostalgia. We may not have been here in a while, but the guys at the front door apparently remembered us because they ushered us right inside even though the line already stretched around the outside of the building.

Stepping through the door was like stepping back in time. The walls thudded and the music completely consumed me. My past hit me square in the face with every beat. Practically my entire high school experience existed here. Countless nights spent here with Cain, Tammy, Cy, Rhoslyn, and pretty much everyone else we knew. This was the first place Cain and I had ever danced together. Where I had made so many mistakes. And this was also where my life had come back together- that night I saw Klaus again. There were so many mixed emotions with this place, but I sided with the good rather than the bad. The breath caught in my throat as I thrust myself forward into the large crowd jumping and pulsating with the music. Nearly everyone held a drink in their hand and screamed out the lyrics- Tammy, Rhoslyn, and myself included. Tonight was our night, who knows how many more we would have together? My life was about to change. I was going to get married. And probably have kids. My partying days were coming to a close and I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that just yet.

Chapter 20: The Aftermath

            I sat up in bed, clutching the sheet against my gooseflesh covered in a cold sweat. My breath came in gasps and I knew that I had been crying by how my body shook- another night awoken by my own screams. I felt his hand rest lightly against my back as his other hand gently stroked my arm and he hummed softly. He leaned forward and his chest pressed against my back, “Another night terror?”

            I whimpered pitifully and nodded my head. I could never tell him what they were about; my stomach was heavy with guilt. My thoughts drifted back, it had been nearly three years since graduation. Since high school. Since I had been cancer free. I remembered everything. How the last few months of my high school career had unfolded. Klaus had been my date to the prom- one of the best nights of my life. The senior trip. The parties with my friends. And then, a month later, graduation had come. It was on a Friday night- Cain’s eighteenth birthday- such a bittersweet event. I remembered what he had promised me- a proposal on graduation night and a weekend trip to Old Orchard Beach with a group of our couple friends. We ended up marching together and it was clear he had remembered everything, just as I had. He smiled at me from across the stage and I smiled back. I wished him a happy birthday at the after party. And then we split.

            I did two years at a college in New York and then transferred abroad to be closer to Klaus. Skype hadn’t been enough to keep the relationship alive. Soon enough, he moved to England and we bought a flat together so that I could finish school. Living with him was great. He was wonderful and kind and loving, just as I had expected him to be. I missed my family back home, but England as so exciting and new. Klaus and I traveled all over Europe, backpacking El Camino, eating pasta in Italy, studying the ruins in Greece, and there never seemed to be a dull moment in our lives. I loved him. And the way he looked at me made me feel beautiful and confident and encouraged. He pushed me to follow my dreams- to let them run rampant and free like the Konik horses near Amsterdam.

            And yet Cain still entered my mind, his phantom clear in my nightmares. I could not place the hole in me that he had left- his image not becoming apparent in my head during the day or perhaps even for weeks at a time. But then, just when it seemed that he had been forgotten, he would intrude my dreams. I would scream and shake to drive him away and then I would wake, Klaus lying distraught beside me, his eyes wide with concern and his voice full of soothing comfort. I would tell myself that it was only a dream. And in some ways, it was the truth. But it was just the past. The ever-present nightmare in the back of my head. I remembered the days when he had told me of his love for me. And how these same terrors had invaded my head. When I would wake in the night, damp with sweat and tears, he would be at the other end of the phone assuring me that it was all just a dream. Just a dream. And that he would forever love me. But the truth was, my nightmare had sprung from my dreams into reality that cold, cold day in December.

            I was grateful to Klaus. He showered me with love and affection and was everything I could have ever wanted. I was happy with him. I was content. But, for a reason unknown to me, Cain still haunted me. And these were the reasons I would not tell Klaus, would leave him to make assumptions in his own. I lay back down and curled into him, his arm wrapped tightly around me. His lips pressed against my hairline and he breathed, “It was just a dream.”

I woke the next morning, sunlight streaming in through the window. My fingers ran across the soft fabric, the Egyptian cotton sheets we had acquired upon yet another one of our trips. The smell of breakfast wafted into the bedroom from the kitchen. I threw the covers off and picked up my cream bathrobe, the terrycloth soft against my exposed skin. I slowly shuffled from the room into the dining area where I found Klaus standing over the stove. He cast a glance my way and smiled, “Well, good morning, sleepyhead. I am nearly done making breakfast- although it is nearing noontime.”

I sat down at the table and sipped at the tea he had placed in my spot at the table. Klaus turned off the stove and walked over with our plates. Our typical breakfast lay before me- a fried egg, bacon, and toast with jam. How I had come to love our day-to-day lives, the fact that we were spontaneous and yet set in our routines. We sat quietly while he read the newspaper with one hand and ate with the other. After a few moments of silence he turned to me, rustling the paper in his hand and setting it down on the table, “How is everything?”

I swallowed my mouthful, “It’s wonderful, as always. Anything interesting going on in the news?”

He sighed, “No, nothing but the typical political hodgepodge. And your tea- how is it? Strong enough?”

“Yes, it’s just fine,” Why was he acting so skittish?

He leaned forward and took the infuser from my cup, “Here, let me refill it for you.” Klaus popped it open and inside was a ring, the diamond was huge and the platinum band was studded with at least a dozen tiny rocks. I looked at him and then back at the ring, my mouth gaping. He smiled shyly, “Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

I shook my head, running my fingers through my hair. It was too early for this. Too early in the morning. God, I hate surprises. And then, the most amazing thing happened, “Yes.”

Chapter 19: The New Beginning

            I awoke the next morning in my bed, unsure of exactly how I got here, but certain it involved Rhoslyn and Tammy. Glancing around, I noticed I was tucked warmly in between my two best friends- who were still sleeping silently. Their bodies, covered by sheets and the thick comforter, rose and fell steadily with their breathing. I let my head fall back and rest against the pillow. My hand reached back and my fingers ran over the roughness of the scar. I wondered what people saw. What they thought. What their assumption was when they saw my hairless head and pasty skin. I had never been fair-skinned, my bronze skin always radiating in the sunlight- a dark contrast from my blue-grey eyes.

            Tammy stirred slightly on my left, making the sheets rustle and the bed creak. She rolled over and faced me, “Oh. Good morning, Sunshine. You were completely knocked out last night. We pretty much had to carry you up the stairs.”

            “Yeah, my head is pounding,” I croaked. My mouth was wicked dry and I didn’t even dare to open my eyes for fear of making my headache worse.

Tammy sat up and I heard a slight pat as her feet hit the floor “I’ll get you some water and an aspirin, okay?”

 I nodded and heard Rhoslyn groan. She rolled over and I could feel her warmth as she got closer. Her arm slumped over my stomach and she laughed, pressing her side against mine. The crook of my arm lay over my eyes and I smiled, “Oh. My. God. I got so trashed. It was awesome!”

Last night had been Rhoslyn’s first time at Obscurum and she had turned out to be a major lightweight- her max turned out to be a margarita and two shots. I laughed and felt an ache run through my body, I knew that last night would come back to haunt me. Tammy walked back in with a glass of water and two aspirin. I took them and she and Rhoslyn recounted the night before- stopping only to laugh and put in personal commentary on what had happened. A knocking sound came from the kitchen- someone was here. It was then that I remembered what Klaus had said last night.

            He opened the door and stepped inside, his smile spread wide across his face, “Good morning, Meine Liebe, how do you feel today? Better than last night, I am hoping.”

            I looked up at him, my eyes squinted because of the throbbing pain in my head, “Well, not really…”

            His lips turned into a beautiful line across his face, “I am sorry to hear that. It is your head, yes? Just let me know what I can do.”

            I smiled, “Well, I think these girls have it all taken care of. I’ll just call you later, alright?”

            Klaus leaned forward and his hand rested on the side of my arm; he squeezed it slightly as he pressed his lips against my forehead once more, “Of course, Love. I am going into town this afternoon, but I would love to answer your call.” He turned to Tammy and Rhoslyn, tipping his flatcap to them, “Until next time, ladies.”

            He turned and left just a moment later. There was no doubt that he had made all of us swoon. And I knew that something big was coming. I could feel it echoing inside me. Like a tiny dwindling spark becoming a flame, it was growing.