The rain
still kept strong around me, drumming against the ground, as the sun appeared
over the trees. Dawn approached and I continued to sit there on the bench. I
know my family was gently waking- rustling in their beds and opening their eyes
that no longer promised sleep. They were full. And they were happy. My
weariness hung from my shoulders, my eyes, my limbs… But I refused to succumb
to sleep. My heart thumped against the inside of my chest, life pouring into me.
I never wanted to warmth to end and I knew that as soon as I let my eyes close
it would be lost.
Eventually,
I relaxed and curled against the back of the bench. Rain still drizzled lazily
over me as I drifted off into a comforting slumber. No thoughts of sadness or
anger entered my mind- not a single care tugged within me. My sleep was left
untouched by nightmares and phantom shadows for the first time in what seemed
like forever. Perhaps my time of trials was finally coming to a close. Perhaps
the war had ceased- my body, my mind, and my heart all pulsating as one. As a
natural being. Inner peace was finally within my grasp. I wasn’t going to just
let it slip through my fingers like sand in a sieve.
I awoke with
a start, did someone call my name? Claire!
There it was again. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and tried to push through
the foggy daze I was in. It didn’t help that the rain was still pouring down
around me- the droplets like a waterfall creating a screen that blurred my
vision and made it nearly impossible to see. I heard the disembodied voice once
again and I jumped to my feet, “Hello?” I called out into the unknown.
“Claire?!”
It called out once again.
“Klaus?” I
asked, not even trying to mask the surprise in my voice.
“Stay where
you are! I am coming to find you, we have been looking everywhere!” I knew that
I should listen to what he said. That I should let him just come and find me.
But I couldn’t control myself. I turned and ran, my feet splashing in the
puddled water on the ground. I don’t know what had possessed me to do this-
maybe I just wasn’t ready to be caught yet or maybe I still had more I needed
to discover. Yes, that was it. My adventure wasn’t over. “Claire! Claire,
please wait for me! Don’t run!”
His words
were just mumbles in my ears. My heart was already pounding so hard that all I
could hear was the blood rushing through me. I could hear him behind me,
running blindly through the misty shield that encompassed us both. He kept
calling out to me but my voice never replied; my only response was silence.
Finally, the steps faded behind me and I was left alone once again. Still, this
didn’t stop me. I knew sweat was pouring down my body but with the rain coming
down it was no concern of mine.
Soon enough,
I was standing in the most unlikely place. No, not another bench. I was
standing outside the hospital. I continued to stand there for quite a while. I
watched people come and go, all of them barely noticing that I existed
even though I was that freak that stood outside the hospital. I’m surprised
they didn’t call the police because I stood there for what felt like hours. Finally,
I walked inside through the automatic doors. Within seconds puddles of water
gathered at my feet. With every step a new puddle appeared. I stood outside the
small wooden door and shook as the cold finally set in. My hand lingered on the
door handle as many different thoughts raced through my mind. Slowly, I turned
it and stepped into the room. It was empty. The machines were turned off and
the sheets were gone. I took another step further closing the door behind me.
I walked
over to the bed and sat on it, letting my fingers run over the fabric as I had
done before. I wondered, but didn’t let my mind stray too far just in case- a
defense mechanism of mine I suppose. The door opened and I snapped to
attention, would I get in trouble for being in here? In walked a group of
cleaning ladies.
They stopped
and looked at me oddly when they saw me sitting on the bed. One muttered
something in Spanish to the other, who didn’t respond. I stood up, knowing I
must look ridiculous, “Um… Hello.” The one that had spoken nodded to me and the
other just continued to stare, “Do you know what happened in here? Where he
went, I mean.”
I could
barely get the words out, a sudden dryness making the words catch in my throat.
The one that hadn’t spoken moved toward me, resting a hand on my wet shoulder
and pulling my head into her chest. I wrapped my arms around her, feeling her
comforting embrace, and began to cry. I knew what this meant. That he was gone.
Forever and ever and ever after that.
My sides heaved as heavy sobs escaped me. I hadn’t wanted to end it this way.
She released
me and slipped her tan hands onto my cheeks, “Shhh… Man die with happiness in
his heart. Last wish come true.”
I smiled,
his last wish? The other woman joined us, pulling a slip of paper out of her
pocket, “For you. He said you would come.”
I unfolded
it, my hands pale and pruned like I had stayed too long in the bath, “Thank
you.”
They shuffled
away and the one that hugged me smiled, “Will come back later. You need time.”
The door
closed lightly and I looked down at the note:
Claire,
If you’re reading this, it means I’m gone. I’m giving this to
the cleaning ladies because I know you will be here when they come- you’re just
like that, showing up at awkward times and everything. That and they seem nice.
I’ve heard some of the things they say when they think nobody can understand
and they’re pretty damn hilarious. Anyway, this can’t be too long because my
hand hurts already.
I just wanted to say thanks for everything. I know I was an
asshole for a long time. And it was probably because I realized that my life
was going down the shit hole and you were the one that would always save me in
that situation and suddenly you weren’t there anymore. I was mad because I thought
it was your fault. Then I realized it was actually mine because I’m the one
that pushed you away. By then it was too late. I know I hurt you all those
times I yelled at you and blamed you and told you that I never needed you. It
was all a lie that I was trying to feed myself.
And that girl- God, what was I even thinking? I should have
believed you when you said she cheated. I don’t know why I didn’t see it. I was
blind back then. Hindsight is 20-20, right? Well, you were always there for me
even when I left you without your safety net. I guess you were better at
walking that tightrope than you thought hahaha. I know it isn’t really
something to joke about, but right now I need a good laugh. I guess that all I
have left to say is: “Some people are meant to fall in love, just not meant to
be together.” Story of our lives, huh?
I’ll see you on the other side (I hope)
Cain
I sat the
letter beside me on the bed so it wouldn’t get any more wrinkled and wet than
it already was from my hair dripping onto it. Surprisingly, no tears came. My
heart didn’t clench. It just kept on beating. Was I now cold and heartless? No,
I don’t believe so. This was something he had to do. Just as I had things I now
needed to do to complete my life. I had waited so long for this apology,
thinking it would never come. And now that it had, it felt nothing like what I
had expected. My heart didn’t magically heal. I wasn’t suddenly happy inside.
I had fixed
myself. Not him, me. For so long I had waited for him to put back the missing
piece and now that he had, I realized my puzzle had changed. I had new pieces
and a new theme and a new outlook on life altogether. Because I knew I could
overcome. Who I am now is a remake of who I was before- stronger and better and
braver than ever. A woman who didn’t have to know where she was going, just
that she was travelling forward into a promising future full of hopes and
dreams and adventures that were yet to be discovered. This isn’t just an end.
Oh, no, not even close. This is an all-new beginning.
The End
