Chapter 20: The Aftermath

            I sat up in bed, clutching the sheet against my gooseflesh covered in a cold sweat. My breath came in gasps and I knew that I had been crying by how my body shook- another night awoken by my own screams. I felt his hand rest lightly against my back as his other hand gently stroked my arm and he hummed softly. He leaned forward and his chest pressed against my back, “Another night terror?”

            I whimpered pitifully and nodded my head. I could never tell him what they were about; my stomach was heavy with guilt. My thoughts drifted back, it had been nearly three years since graduation. Since high school. Since I had been cancer free. I remembered everything. How the last few months of my high school career had unfolded. Klaus had been my date to the prom- one of the best nights of my life. The senior trip. The parties with my friends. And then, a month later, graduation had come. It was on a Friday night- Cain’s eighteenth birthday- such a bittersweet event. I remembered what he had promised me- a proposal on graduation night and a weekend trip to Old Orchard Beach with a group of our couple friends. We ended up marching together and it was clear he had remembered everything, just as I had. He smiled at me from across the stage and I smiled back. I wished him a happy birthday at the after party. And then we split.

            I did two years at a college in New York and then transferred abroad to be closer to Klaus. Skype hadn’t been enough to keep the relationship alive. Soon enough, he moved to England and we bought a flat together so that I could finish school. Living with him was great. He was wonderful and kind and loving, just as I had expected him to be. I missed my family back home, but England as so exciting and new. Klaus and I traveled all over Europe, backpacking El Camino, eating pasta in Italy, studying the ruins in Greece, and there never seemed to be a dull moment in our lives. I loved him. And the way he looked at me made me feel beautiful and confident and encouraged. He pushed me to follow my dreams- to let them run rampant and free like the Konik horses near Amsterdam.

            And yet Cain still entered my mind, his phantom clear in my nightmares. I could not place the hole in me that he had left- his image not becoming apparent in my head during the day or perhaps even for weeks at a time. But then, just when it seemed that he had been forgotten, he would intrude my dreams. I would scream and shake to drive him away and then I would wake, Klaus lying distraught beside me, his eyes wide with concern and his voice full of soothing comfort. I would tell myself that it was only a dream. And in some ways, it was the truth. But it was just the past. The ever-present nightmare in the back of my head. I remembered the days when he had told me of his love for me. And how these same terrors had invaded my head. When I would wake in the night, damp with sweat and tears, he would be at the other end of the phone assuring me that it was all just a dream. Just a dream. And that he would forever love me. But the truth was, my nightmare had sprung from my dreams into reality that cold, cold day in December.

            I was grateful to Klaus. He showered me with love and affection and was everything I could have ever wanted. I was happy with him. I was content. But, for a reason unknown to me, Cain still haunted me. And these were the reasons I would not tell Klaus, would leave him to make assumptions in his own. I lay back down and curled into him, his arm wrapped tightly around me. His lips pressed against my hairline and he breathed, “It was just a dream.”

I woke the next morning, sunlight streaming in through the window. My fingers ran across the soft fabric, the Egyptian cotton sheets we had acquired upon yet another one of our trips. The smell of breakfast wafted into the bedroom from the kitchen. I threw the covers off and picked up my cream bathrobe, the terrycloth soft against my exposed skin. I slowly shuffled from the room into the dining area where I found Klaus standing over the stove. He cast a glance my way and smiled, “Well, good morning, sleepyhead. I am nearly done making breakfast- although it is nearing noontime.”

I sat down at the table and sipped at the tea he had placed in my spot at the table. Klaus turned off the stove and walked over with our plates. Our typical breakfast lay before me- a fried egg, bacon, and toast with jam. How I had come to love our day-to-day lives, the fact that we were spontaneous and yet set in our routines. We sat quietly while he read the newspaper with one hand and ate with the other. After a few moments of silence he turned to me, rustling the paper in his hand and setting it down on the table, “How is everything?”

I swallowed my mouthful, “It’s wonderful, as always. Anything interesting going on in the news?”

He sighed, “No, nothing but the typical political hodgepodge. And your tea- how is it? Strong enough?”

“Yes, it’s just fine,” Why was he acting so skittish?

He leaned forward and took the infuser from my cup, “Here, let me refill it for you.” Klaus popped it open and inside was a ring, the diamond was huge and the platinum band was studded with at least a dozen tiny rocks. I looked at him and then back at the ring, my mouth gaping. He smiled shyly, “Will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

I shook my head, running my fingers through my hair. It was too early for this. Too early in the morning. God, I hate surprises. And then, the most amazing thing happened, “Yes.”