Monday, December 31, 2012

Chapter 18: What Do You Want From Me?


            Cain stepped through the crowd, “What is he doing here?”

            I shrugged, “I don’t know. It isn’t like I just invited him.”

            “I can speak for myself, thank you,” Klaus butted in. I looked between them, sensing the rising tension. “I am here because I am allowed to be. And because I told Claire that I would come back some day.”

            My heart melted but Klaus’ comment seemed to anger Cain even further, “Seriously, Claire? Were you just wasting time with me while you waited for him to come back for you? God, I can’t believe I was this stupid. I made myself look like an idiot and for what- for you to just cast me aside like I’m nothing?”

            I shot up, feeling slightly woozy but steadying myself, “Are you fucking kidding me? I waited for you. I gave you so many chances. I made myself look like an asshole because I still loved you even after you treated me like shit and lied to me and let me slip away more than twice. So don’t you DARE try to tell me I played with you and made you look dumb. You deserve it after everything you’ve put me through.”

            Like so many other important times, he just stood there in his stoic silence. His lip quivered slightly and he took a deep breath- letting it exhale slowly. His gaze met mine and I could see all the hurt and the pain and the regret that had lay hidden beneath them. I wondered if he could only show these things to me- wondered if anybody else standing around us could see in him the things I had seen. I averted my eyes, not wanting to get caught up in all the emotion that had slowly begun to suffocate me.

Klaus reached around my waist to steady me and I pressed into him- his frame strong and defined. Cain seemed to flinch inward as if someone had struck him, and I knew then how much it really hurt. How much he regretted the decision to let me go. And as he turned away and parted the crowd all the way to the door I could barely suppress the urge to chase after him. My heart screamed and pounded against the inside of my chest, but my head just kept trying to quiet my heart like a mother would a frightened child- trying to reason with it by soft humming and slow strokes of thumb against cheek. But none of this was evident to the people outside my mind. My eyes glazed over and my body numb, it felt like I could feel nothing and everything all at once.

I looked at Klaus, his lips moving but no sound met my ears. My gaze was blank and he returned with a worried face. Tammy and Rhoslyn moved closer, one of them grabbing my arm and shaking me slightly. The sound slowly filtered back- first the music, then the voices, and finally the gentle humming vibration of the room. He looked at them, “Best be getting her home, ladies. It seems as if she has had enough excitement for tonight.”

All three of them walked me to the car and I climbed into the back seat. Klaus leaned down as his hand rested on the door, “Goodnight, My Dear. I shall see you tomorrow, yes? I’ll come by to make sure you’re getting along just fine. Try to get some rest.”

He bent down and kissed my forehead before shutting the car door. On the ride home I couldn’t help but allow all my feelings to gather and tangle themselves inside me. My heart thudded gently and my breath eventually became slower and deeper, slipping me into an inescapable sleep. I couldn’t help but think during my last few moments about what these two men wanted from me. Cain wanted my forgiveness and my love and Klaus had yet to ask for something. But I wasn’t sure I had anything left to give.

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